1. Being Offended
While there are a significant number of people who stop attending church because of something someone said or did, very few that I know of actually "leave" the church. It is in fact a choice to be offended. That's a good life lesson to learn to choose not to be offended. It's also a great life lesson to learn the difference between leaving a religion, and avoiding church activities because someone annoys you. Why is an LDS chapel the only place you can worship God? I find solitude to be a much more personal and powerful spiritual experience. So just because you went home teaching to that inactive family who left because the bishop called their daughter a slut for wearing a sleeveless dress does not make you an expert on why people actually don't believe in a religion anymore.
2. Not Understanding the Doctrine
I really don't know how to respond to this. I left probably because I understood the doctrine a little too well. As a missionary I tried to answer every single question. I never argued with other Pastors, instead I would go home and sincerely search for answers to their questions. Often times I would find them, and the Pastor would gain respect for us. There were a good number of times that I also couldn't find an answer. Why? Because there was no answer. LDS doctrine is full of strange illogical things as well as contradictions. Perhaps people like Greg need to do a little studying of their own. There are countless teachings I could show someone from just lds.org that would make you think twice about really believing in the LDS religion. In fact right before I had really started to leave the church I was a Sunday School teacher. I would teach things in class and think to myself "I can't believe I used to actually believe this stuff". I started questioning things, and I couldn't find answers. They were all "yet to be revealed". Oh and the whole things yet to be revealed thing. Well unfortunately we have not had any major revelations over the past few decades other than Brigham Young making a racist judgment call on blacks and the priesthood so I don't have much hope for that route. I don't consider tactfully timed statements from a PR department revelation.
3. It's Just Too Hard
I'm not sure Greg understands what it's like to had ADD and sit through 3 hours of church meetings once a week (most of it full of idiocy, nonsense, and false doctrine). I had made up callings, no one came and talked to me, I sat alone most of the time, and I hated almost every minute of it. I still went and did what I was asked. Why? Because I believed it was true and it's what I was supposed to do. Sure there might be some who say it's not worth it. It's extremely ignorant to say that of anyone until you find an example of it. I've only met one in my life, and trust me having grown up LDS, gone on a mission, and graduated from BYU I've met my fair share of Mormons.
4. Anti-Mormon Literature
If "anti-Mormon" literature can increase someones testimony of the gospel because "only truth is persecuted" then I am definitely going to start smoking. This is the craziest thing I have ever heard and only feeds into the already huge persecution complex within the Mormon culture. So lets talk about this "anti-mormon" literature. I was always told to avoid it like the plague. Then I discovered a website called Wikipedia where people actually have to cite sources. Do you know what I found out? I found out that the church manuals teach that Thomas B. Marsh left the church over a milk strippings argument, and that the only source for this was a claim by George A. Smith. Turns out the reason he actually left was probably the violence from a small group of Mormons labeled the "Danites". You can look this all up for yourself. I'd hate to shove anti-mormon thoughts into your pure mind. I also found out that Joseph Smith was not falsely imprisoned before his murder. In fact he was legitimately imprisoned under the charge of treason for declaring marshal law after ordering a printing press to be burned. None of these things I learned came from any pamphlet that was trying to bring down the church. These are just historical facts. So the biggest problem with this one is where do you draw the line between anti-mormon and embarrassing history.
5. Sin
This is one that actually really irks me. I have actually never met someone who left the church because of sin. I have met a fair share of people who go inactive because of the heavy guilt placed upon them by leaders because of their porn "addiction" or masturbation "problems". I put those in quotes because to people outside the church these are both normal things. Second if you were to watch porn once a month this is considered an addiction by many. Addictions are something that prevent you from living a normal life and have to interfere with your personal, work, and social life. So yes I feel that the guilt put onto people does cause them to not want to go to church as much or even at all. But that doesn't mean they leave the church all together. Now that I no longer consider myself a member of the LDS church I don't feel the need to keep the same commandments. I drink occasionally, but that doesn't mean I left the church because I wanted to drink. I drink because I don't feel like it's wrong anymore. It's no longer a sin to me; not because I wanted it to no longer be a sin but because it just became that way. Once again this is a very ignorant statement, and the majority of people I know did not leave the church because they wanted to or were having problems with sinning.
So now I just wanted in response to give my perspective as an ex-mormon on reasons that you should not stay in the church. I felt the need at first to stay for social reasons. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want my leaving to affect other people's testimonies, have them shun me for my lack of belief, or just make social interactions in general extremely awkward. I grew up LDS, went on a mission, graduated from BYU, and am in graduate school in southeast Idaho. Needless to say a large portion of my social interactions are with Mormons. I also was afraid of my decision because there's always that "what if it is true" in the back of your head. I also went through a time when I was extremely depressed. Sometimes I thought I was depressed because I wasn't going to church anymore, but then when I seriously considered going back it didn't help. I was actually depressed because I was going through a stage in my life where I needed to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. I'm happy with my decision, I live a happy life now. I'm not ashamed of my past, I accept it as a part of me and am grateful for it. But sometimes people need some help to realize it's silly to stay in something that's not making you happy just to keep the status quo. So here are my 5 reasons you should not stay in Mormonism.
1. Being Offensive
I pretended to have a testimony for a long time just to keep the peace. I didn't want any awkward talks or to have to explain myself to people who are extremely closed-minded that they wouldn't even listen to me before explaining why I had such thoughts or feelings. I didn't want my family to shun me, I didn't want to lose my close friendships, and I didn't want to have to drive past my neighbors everyday and know that they are thinking "there goes the apostate". I really just wanted to just kind of drift away, and become that inactive guy that shows up on the roster every time home teaching assignments are given. Then I could just say to whoever visits that I don't believe anymore and it wouldn't be a big deal. I hate conflict and I hate offending people so I was afraid if I left abruptly it would cause some bad feelings/tension socially. Well none of that happened. Thankfully I was able to just kind of fade away from my ward, and my family still accepts me for who I am. They love me no matter what and for that I am extremely grateful. Most of my friends I'm still friends with, and my actual friends in the church have supported me in my decision or at least respected it. So if you don't believe in the church, and you still go for social reasons that's ok. None of us will judge you, but you really don't have to. Life feels so much better when you are free to make your own decisions, and not having to worry about what others think of your personal life/feelings is a liberating thing. If your family disowns you because of something like this that is extremely hard. I don't know what it's like because it's never happened to me. Seek help, it's there. But please don't allow yourself to be manipulated by others. The gospel of Jesus Christ is supposed to liberate you, not victimize you.
2. Not Understanding the Doctrine
When people ask me questions about gospel topics there often surprised at my knowledge and perspective. This is actually true of many who have left the church. You see, I left not because Joseph Smith was a polygamist. I assumed as a kid that everyone knew that, and that it wasn't that big a deal. It was things that didn't make sense in the scriptures that really bothered me. I hate things that don't make sense because it disturbs every fiber of my being. I feel physically uncomfortable when I can't make sense of something. So when the restored church is just like that of old with prophets and apostles I think: wait where were the apostles in the old testament? I actually could find nothing about this as a missionary as it was a question I always kept in the back of my mind. After all the first lesson LDS missionaries typically teach is that Joseph Smith had to restore the gospel with a prophet and twelve apostles just like Christ had set up on earth. Other things that bothered me included the fact that the D&C talks about the earth being about 6000 years old. Joseph Smith was a young earth creationist as was Brigham Young. There are many apologist interpretations for this, but I don't think making up strange theories to justify someone else's teachings is a good way to run a religion. It's also in LDS scripture that the continents will come together like they were before in the time of Noah. You see the old testament refers to the son of Noah names Peleg who lived at the time when all the earth split apart. Joseph Smith in the D&C received revelation that the continents would come together in the "millennium" as it is coined just as they had been in the days of old referring to the time of Noah and before. Other things that always bothered me was why the church stopped practicing polygamy. There's all this talk nowadays with the gays saying we shouldn't give in to social pressures. But the church gave in to social pressures to stop participating polygamy. In LDS scripture it states that the reason for the stopping of the practice was to prevent the government from shutting down temple worship. If God is all powerful then why would he worry about men trying to stop his holy practice of polygamous marriage? Polygamy is still part of church doctrine, but it's just practiced in heaven instead of on earth. A widower can marry again in the temple, but a widow cannot unless she revokes her previous temple marriage with her deceased husband. These are just a few small small things which I found disturbing. They're not the sole reason I left, but they did contribute to it. I was talking with my dad the other day about my reasoning for why I left. He asked me how do I make sense of life without the gospel, and I said it makes more sense not trying to make up strange theories and rather to just accept it for what it is. When I talked to him about some of the revelations in the D&C he said he avoids reading the D&C because he's afraid he won't like what's in it. Often times in the church we do exactly what we're told not to and treat the gospel buffet style. We want some of this, but that makes us feel uncomfortable so we don't believe it. Don't try to ignore key parts of the LDS teachings or interpret them in strange ways just because you want other things to be true. If you don't agree with it leave it. You can still believe the Book of Mormon is an inspired book without believing that the LDS church today is the one and only true church with a living prophet. You need to believe what you feel to be true. Understand what your church teaches, and if you don't agree with it leave.
3. It's Just Too Hard
Many times people stay in the church because they don't know where else to go. I've asked many acquaintances if they would want to know the truth about the church. I usually ask it like "if the church weren't true would you want to know?". Many say yes, but often times I get a "no". The reason for the "no" is that the church has made them feel safe, secure, and happy. It's social crutch, a way to meet girls, a way to raise a family. Without the church and that structure all of these things would become a new task, you'd need to find a new routine, a new way to meet girls/boys, a new structure for raising a family. Many bishops and stake presidents threaten those who leave that they won't have a happy marriage or a happy life without the gospel and that their morality will fall apart and they will become murders, drug addicts, and just in general perverts. I myself was told by my mother that if I didn't marry a Mormon girl my marriage would fall apart. "There's always divorce" she said "but after having kids it becomes more complicated." She later apologized for what she said, and I forgive her completely. I don't blame her for what she said, but rather the culture that the church pollutes one's mind with. The hardest thing I've done in my life is probably leave the church. I've had to create a new identity for myself, find new meaning in life, find new ways to have social interaction (and for an introvert that's difficult), and will have new struggles on the road ahead. I did it not because it was easy, but because it was the right thing for me. At first it's hard, but I've never been happier with myself. All of the sudden I can be me, and I have better self esteem and a much better view on life. So just because it's hard now, it will be worth it down the road. After all that's what the church teaches: work hard now for happiness later.
4. Pro-Mormon Literature
I really have come to despise the term "anti-mormon". Partly because my blogs, my discussions, and I myself could all be labeled under that term for some. Yet most of my LDS friends know that I am respectful of their beliefs, and would never try to get them to leave if they didn't want to. I actually write for me not for others. I need to vent my feelings and my thoughts. I also write to help others who have been in my position. I'm no John Dehlin, and I could never hope to make money off my blogs or even become famous. But once I received a comment from someone who was struggling as I had and was told that what I wrote helped her in her struggle. That made it all worth it to me. So why would I be labeled "anti-mormon"? It's because my writing isn't solely faith promoting. You'd be surprised what you can find on lds.org and a good portion of it would be labeled "anti-mormon" if you didn't cite the church as its source. I used to teach Sunday School as I was a doubter and I taught as mentioned earlier about Thomas B. Marsh and the milk stealing fiasco. I cringed inside as I quoted Hinkley talking about how that's a great example of being offended leading to apostasy. It's not a story that has any credible sources, and is merely here-say. So why do we teach it in Sunday School? Because it promotes faith. We don't teach that Joseph Smith was burnt down a printing press and was locked up in Carthage for legally sound reasons. Instead we (or at least I used to) teach that he was imprisoned on trumped up charges. I told my mom a good deal of things I found on wikipedia, and she said "yeah, well a good deal of anti-mormons get on there". Actually, if anything wikipedia is pretty biased towards the LDS side. There are a few things that even I edited and had LDS sources for that got rejected because they didn't make the church look good. So don't just read everything off of lds.org. Find credible unbiased sources, they do exist. That's fine if you don't want to look at mormonthink.com or other websites similar to that. But please don't just read what the church tells you. If you do then you're no better than the Jehovah's Witnesses who won't let their children watch TV or play with Harry Potter toys.
5. Sin
I don't know how many times I've heard people tell me or heard of other people being told that as soon as you leave the church you will become a heathen sinner. That's true, we don't live by the same moral code the LDS church teaches. We live by our own moral code, and it's actually really not that bad. I'm actually a much nicer more respectful person than when I was in the church. Some people still don't drink, smoke, drink coffee or tea, or do drugs. The law of chastity still applies if you believe it's a good thing. I think it's a good practice just to avoid things like STDs. So don't think that as soon as you leave the church your moral compass turns off. There's that thing called a conscience still, and it's really the thing that kept you from doing bad things all along. Yes the church pressured you or guilted you into doing some things. If you didn't pay tithing that talk about tithing in Sacrament meeting was like a dagger to your heart. Well rest assured you can still find all kinds of sources for moral guidance. In fact you can still live the same moral code the church teaches if you want. Just because you don't believe in a religion doesn't mean you can't agree with some of their principles. I still think that the family is the most important social unit on earth. I didn't need the church to tell me that. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need the church to tell me that's bad. I don't lie cheat or steal because I have integrity. In fact my leaving the church was for me to maintain my integrity. I couldn't live a lie anymore. So trust me the LDS church does not have ownership over morality, although Intellectual Reserve inc. might just try and sue you over it.
All that being said, if you're happy where you're at in life, stay there. The five reasons I just stated for not staying in the church could be totally silly. Maybe you want to stay for any one or all five. That's fine I don't care. When I left the church I realized it's important for people to build their own identity. If this helps you great, if it doesn't then feel free to ignore it. But please, please, please don't assume that just because I left the church it's because of one of those 5 reasons stated by Greg Trimble because I don't assume that you stay in the church cause you have no self esteem, are manipulated, are scared, are brainwashed, or are just plain ignorant.
